Cancer Carers: The Trauma We Don’t Talk About

When cancer enters a family, attention naturally turns to the person diagnosed with the disease. But behind many patients is another person quietly carrying fear, exhaustion and uncertainty the carer.

Speaking to Southerton Business Times (SBT) as part of our Cancer Awareness Series, Every Story Is Unique, renowned psychologist D. Tarisai highlighted the often-overlooked psychological burden experienced by family members caring for cancer patients.

“What about the person who is taking care of you? What is going through their mind? Have they received the same counselling? Does the carer know you will survive? Have they accepted it? Under such circumstances, the carer tends to be more affected than the patient,” he said.

When we talk about cancer, we talk about the patient. We rarely talk about the one standing behind the patient. Yet, there is nothing more psychologically traumatic than looking after a sick relative. Psychologically, you become sick too.

Caring for a cancer patient is more of a calling than a duty. In health facilities, nurses and doctors are trained. They have the expertise, the know-how, and the knowledge to handle pain and suffering. But what about the mother, husband, daughter, or son at home who has never been trained, yet suddenly has to assume the role of a trained professional? So psychologically, it affects them deeply.

What many carers go through clinically is called Secondary Traumatic Stress and Compassion Fatigue. The patient is experiencing primary trauma - the diagnosis, the surgery, the pain. The carer absorbs that trauma second-hand. They witness suffering daily, they live with fear, death, and uncertainty in their head. Over time, that secondary trauma becomes their own trauma. This is why one ends up with care fatigue, emotional and psychological fatigue. You end up giving up. It is not just tiredness. It is compassion fatigue. You have given so much care that you have nothing left for yourself.

Carers need to also be prepared psychologically through counseling. They also need to be counselled. Even trained personnel go through psychological self-care and debriefing. What more of an untrained carer who isn't receiving any of that support? Just imagine what will be going on in their head: fear, death, uncertainty. That, in turn, affects the carer's psychological state. Hence, they end up needing counseling services also.

Take, for example, a woman who has gone through a mastectomy. A part of her has been removed, and she is in deep grief. In this case, the one who has had the surgery done has received counseling and has possibly accepted the turn of events. But what about the carer? Remember, everything is halted for the carer. They suspend their normal lifestyle and adapt to the patient's.

This, in turn, affects their mental state and their cycle of life. They are in anticipatory grief, mourning someone who is still alive because they don't know if that person will survive.

That is why we must not care alone. We must create a care roster and share duties. We must seek counseling early, before we break down. We must allow ourselves respite and grief. Caring for yourself is not abandoning the patient.

Cancer affects more than the person whose name appears on the medical record. It can change the routines, relationships, finances, and emotional lives of entire families. That is why conversations about cancer awareness should also include the people standing beside patients.

Every story is unique, and every family responds differently to a cancer diagnosis. Professional psychological support may be helpful for patients and carers experiencing significant emotional distress. Cancer screening and medical examinations can also play an important role in detecting certain cancers earlier, although screening recommendations differ according to the type of cancer, age, risk factors and individual circumstances.

This Cancer Awareness Month, the message is therefore twofold: look after the patient, but remember the person providing the care. Because sometimes, when one person is fighting cancer, another person is quietly fighting the fear, exhaustion and uncertainty alongside them.

If you have a unique cancer story to share with SBT, contact 0774778179.

Health disclaimer: This article is for general health education and awareness. It is not a substitute for professional medical or psychological advice. Anyone experiencing significant emotional or psychological distress should consider speaking to a qualified healthcare professional

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