FIFA Issues “Emergency Towel Guidelines” Ahead of Morocco 2030 After AFCON Chaos

FIFA is reportedly drafting “emergency towel guidelines” after AFCON chaos in Morocco, in a night of football defined by penalties, controversy and peak African satire (image source)

FIFA has not officially confirmed it yet, but following Sunday night’s AFCON circus, sources close to “people who know people” say world football’s governing body is quietly drafting what may become its most African regulation yet: an Official Towel Policy for teams visiting Morocco ahead of the 2030 World Cup.

Yes, towels. Not VAR. Not referees. Towels.

The move follows what analysts are now calling The Great AFCON Linen Crisis, a match so chaotic it featured a near walkout, a Panenka-induced continental heart attack, and Morocco somehow walking away with the Fair Play Award — a decision that sent half of Africa into uncontrollable laughter.

Let us start there.

Morocco, the same team whose players spent the night auditioning for roles as undercover towel inspectors, were crowned the tournament’s paragons of sporting virtue. This came after repeated interference with goalkeeper Edouard Mendy’s towels, handled with the urgency usually reserved for nuclear launch codes. If irony were electricity, Africa would have powered three cities that night.

Even FIFA president Gianni Infantino appeared to struggle with the moment. Cameras caught him watching Morocco’s missed penalty with the expression of a man who had already rehearsed his congratulatory speech and suddenly realised fate had other plans. The look was pure devastation — eyes wide, soul gone, vibes finished. Somewhere in Zurich, a speechwriter wept.

But back to the towels.

According to insiders, the proposed guidelines — informally dubbed VAR (Very Absorbent Regulation) — would require all visiting teams in Morocco to register towels before kickoff. Each towel would reportedly carry an identification number, undergo background checks, and confirm it has no “tactical intent.”

Goalkeepers, traditionally the custodians of towels, would be the most affected. Under the draft rules, keepers may no longer place towels on goalposts without clearance from the fourth official, the match commissioner, and possibly customs. Towels folded “suspiciously” or used during penalties may be confiscated for “fair play inspection.”

Opposition players, meanwhile, would be permitted to admire towels from a safe distance but prohibited from grabbing, relocating, or spiritually intimidating them.

FIFA sources insist the policy is about “clarity and harmony.” African fans insist it is about the funniest night of football in recent memory.

And then there was the Panenka.

With history, pressure and 46 years of expectation bearing down, Morocco’s penalty taker chose elegance over survival. The chip floated. Time stopped. Africa screamed. Goalkeepers everywhere fainted. When it failed, Infantino’s face completed the moment — proof that even football presidents cannot outthink destiny.

In the end, African football delivered exactly what it always does: chaos, comedy, controversy and culture. It was messy. It was dramatic. It was deeply unserious and completely unforgettable.

As teams look ahead to Morocco 2030, one thing is clear: bring your boots, bring your tactics, bring your nerves.

But above all — guard your towels.