Salt of the Earth: The Warning We Mistook for Betrayal

By Mpundu Valerie

Disclaimer: This is a personal family story shared for awareness only, not medical advice. If you notice blood in your urine, persistent back pain, swelling or unexplained weight loss, please see a qualified doctor promptly.

Salt of the earth

My father was a chain smoker. He would down 2 boxes of Madison Toasted in a space of three hours. I had heard the myths that heavy smokers emit smoke from their fontanelle. Many a time I tried to catch the mystery, but it always evaded me.

He was a spirit man. Not that he prayed hard, no. He drank spirits as his preferred beverage and a good cup of black coffee on a bad day. He never took water. Whenever he added uncooked salt to his food, he would say, "I am the salt of the earth," hence fulfilling the scriptures.

Huge in stature, no one ever believed he was a swimming coach. Well, oil does float in water, probably why Dad was a good swimmer. He had established himself and always said he was in shape "I am in shape, round is a shape."

Probably there was a glitch in the matrix. How could Dad have been an excellent athlete yet weight never seemed to favour him? The science never matched up. Years went by. The silent cancer was ravaging the man. We didn't know and had never anticipated the man had anything, yet it was crippling him inside.

One evening I woke up in the middle of the night to find my parents arguing. Mom thought Dad was cheating. She was calling it an STI. "Matangaka kutandara munhanga dzevanasikana." Dad had a hard time trying to explain why there was blood in his urine. Mom couldn't give him time of day.

"Mangwana ndotoenda kwa doctor... otherwise ungandizadze. Ba Nathan!! Shuwa here ndiwe here?? Iihhh murume wangu kani, makore mangani tiri tese? wondidai nhasi." I didn't know what to make of it. Mom was being dramatic. She came into my room, woke me up, "Pack up sonny, we are leaving. Your father has found another."

Just as we got to the door, she started screaming, threatening to call her brothers. "Yoweee kani Charles, after all these years.. Charles why. Nathan, your new mother will be here... love her and treat her like your real mother, I am no longer your mother."

Eehh, my mom had drama!!! Then she went back to the bedroom. Dad was all this while trying to explain he had no idea how the blood got into his urine. One thing he kept saying, "Violah, I am not cheating on you, my wife." The more he said it, the more Mom became dramatic.

It went on till the next morning. Dad never went to get checked. I'm assuming the blood had disappeared. It then escalated when Mom again started monitoring Dad's bathroom movements. Saying he had changed his visitations there or hardly went. Dad just stopped taking classes. He said his body was refusing him and complained of pain on one side just below the ribs. The pain never seemed to go away.

Mom had a thing for Dad despite the drama. We all thought probably age was catching up, hence the fatigue. His legs just started swelling, sometimes his ankles. We all thought it was lack of exercise, but he was losing weight and appetite at the same time.

Started selecting his meals and had feverish episodes. At night he would sweat, we had to condition the air. We just thought it was a transition from the previous lifestyle, yet his kidneys had been damaged already.

One day at the table, he coughed blood. Mom broke down, composed herself, "Charles, it's time, we need to go." You could tell whatever was going on was serious, Mom was scared. Dad was trying to calm her down, claiming he had swallowed a fish bone, but this time Mom would have none of it. It was as if Dad was afraid.

I had never seen Dad scared. It was like he knew what lay in the doctor's report. When we got there, urine samples were taken, bloods done, then the scan. The doctor called us into his office. He didn't rush.

He put the scan on the light. "Mr. Charles, the cancer started in the kidney renal cell carcinoma. But I'm sorry, it has metastasized." Mom said, "Metasta what? Doctor speak in Shona." He turned to us. "It means it has spread. It is no longer just in the kidney. It has moved through the blood."

He pointed. "See here, this big mass is the primary tumour in the kidney, and these small spots here in the lungs that's why he is coughing blood- and here in the spine that's why his legs are swelling and his back hurts under the ribs. Stage 4."

Silence.

Mom's drama was gone. For the first time, she had no words. She just held Dad's hand so tight. Dad just nodded, like he already knew. He asked only one question, "How long do we have, Doc?" The doctor said, "We will do dialysis to support the kidneys, we can try treatment to slow it down, but at this stage we are managing, not curing. We need to keep him comfortable and keep him without pain."

That word "metastasized" is the word that changed our family. It means we caught it late. If we had come when the blood first appeared in the urine that night, Mom thought it was cheating, maybe the story would be different. The time had a toll on us. I had just turned 16 and would be driving Dad for his dialysis. You could see Mom wasn't taking it so well and I had to start being the man.

Dad always told me to take care of Mum.. make sure she was happy and well provided for. Despite being born with a silver spoon in my mouth, Dad always wanted me to work hard. Kept reminding me that everything was for his wife, and I had to earn my own lifestyle despite the privileges.

Then one day he asked for oxtail. He was feeling all hungry as he made us believe, "The doctor said this was the last, and with my appetite back, I will be back in the pool again." He used that to chase us away. He couldn't say goodbye properly, so we left to get the oxtail.

Mom was raving about how she wanted to outdo herself and give Dad a hearty meal. She went all out. We even went to get her hair done. Dad kept calling, checking in on us. Shame on you, Dad for fooling us.

He called me and said, "Fuel up the car, you are going to be needing to travel pretty soon. All the other cars are full. There's going to be a trip, Natty boy!" It was at those words my heart just skipped so fast, I just felt heavy. Mom looked at me and asked, all I could say was "Ma1".

We got home to some loud Jim Reeves "This world is not my home." Mom smiled and said Your dad is back. What she didn't know was Dad had left. The rest, as they say, are just memories locked in. It's been 8 years since he left. It's never felt the same.

I share our family's story not to frighten anyone, but to encourage people to take warning signs seriously. Do not wait for symptoms to become unbearable before seeking help. Do not assume that a symptom has become harmless simply because it has stopped. And please, if someone you love tells you that something is wrong with their body, listen.

Sometimes, beneath the arguments, the jokes and the explanations, there is a person who needs help. Dad was the salt of our earth. His absence has left a taste we have never quite been able to wash away.

Rest well, Dad. Eight years later, we still miss you.

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