THE PUNCHING BAG: WHEN MEN SUFFER DOMESTIC ABUSE IN SILENCE
#NoShameNovember | A Personal Account
This is not a comfortable subject for many men, but it is a devastating reality: men are victims of domestic abuse too.
I stand here as both a victim and a survivor. For years, I allowed pride to become my prison. I wore my ego like a badge of shame, afraid of what people would say if they discovered what was happening behind my closed doors.
My ex-wife was a lethal woman when it came to beating me. You would swear she had invented the Royal Rumble. Umfazi lo ubelesandla esinzima. She had a heavy hand. But I never reported her. I never took the matter up with anyone. I suffered in silence.
Yet out there we played the happy couple. Couple goals. Behind closed doors, for every slight mistake I was punished.
I hated Nthando yet I stayed. Not just for the money. The proceeds of Nthando's "charity" were taking care of my ill child back home. It was a marriage of abusive convenience. I grew up deprived of a lot of things and Nthando just happened to be the black card.
Yes, some might call me weak but to win her trust I had to endure the fists, kicks, and beatings. I took it at the expense of my freedom. As soon as the clock struck 5 I would be heading home.
Never spent time with the guys, always a "kept" man. She was jealous and insecure.
As a man, I stayed, I thought things would change. I wouldn't stand telling anybody the real situation on the ground. Abuse is not something we speak openly about. Some might ask, was the money worth the torture? My answer would be yes. It kept my child alive.
The day she died, I did not cry. I breathed!!!!!
For the first time in years, 5 o'clock did not scare me. I came home to a quiet house. No one was waiting to punish me for a slight mistake. No fists. No kicks. No fear. I rested. For the first time in my whole marriage, I rested.l finally found my peace. I know this story may be difficult for some people to understand. But there are men living this reality today, hiding bruises beneath their clothes and humiliation behind carefully rehearsed smiles.
They are afraid of being laughed at, disbelieved or told to man up. Domestic abuse has no gender. Victims should not have to prove their masculinity before their suffering is taken seriously. Being a man does not mean you must endure violence in silence.
Domestic abuse against men
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